Philosophizing

~~*~~ Fort Weyr - Computer Lab ~~*~~
// This large, square room next door to the library has been outfitted as a computer laboratory for fort's residents. The edge of the room is lined with desks on three sides. Upon each desk is a computer. In one corner of the room one can see three printers and three scanners set up for ease of records transcribing.
In the center of the room a screen for projecting pictures on can be pulled down. A large heavy oak table, battered and worn with time, sits in the middle of the room with rather uncomfortable looking wooden chairs. A projector for projecting slides, and even film if some enterprising fortian wanted to, is located on this meeting table and lines up perfectly with the pull down screen.
The final detail is that shelves and metal cabinets with office supplies and a comprehensive library of equipment manuals and books with titles like "Word Processing, a Weyr Archivist's guide" and "how to convert pictures to the large screen" and "Virtual Book Keeping, what every Headwoman and Steward Should Know" and still others with less original titles and still more with simple operating manuals for each of the pieces of equipment therein.//


It's the late eve, post chow time, at Fort, and while many are lounging, drinking or egg ogling, Rynn is in the computer lab, using one of those blasted machines and scrolling through various pages and sites with what looks to be dragon related information. She's been holed up here for at least a couple candle marks and has papers with webs, outlines and jotted down notes. Hair is messy, off to one side with fingers entangled in it, leaning on associated arm. Not many others are in the area, but she's sighs and clicks, sighs again and drops her head on the table with a THUD.

Cyrus makes his way into the computer lab still muttering to himself. He muttered to himself as he walked through most of the weyr, but Cyrus doesn't really care, "Idiots. Trying to make something like that sound noble." he continues to himself, "They can't possibly have seen the results." he sits himself down at one of the terminals and begins to work, "Abandoning people….disloyal." he continues to mutter. He probably would have continued his tirade had he not heard the thud and looked over to see Therynn sitting there. Apparently she has fallen asleep, "Therynn. Wake up. You can't sleep with your face planted on a desk….well you can…but its not comfortable I know from experience." he says as a way to try to wake her up.

Therynn's hearing is pretty impeccable considering she's a hunter and all, so it is long before Cyrus actually reaches the computer lab that she hears him muttering. She's narrowed it down to a male, maybe someone with less confidant gait when compared to a Weyrleader or something, but definitely taller, youngish and that's about all she was able to pick out from footstep resonance. When his voice becomes a bit more audible, she pinpoints it as belonging to Cyrus, pulling head up slightly and turning from her computer to greet him as he walks in. "There's plenty of those around.." she comments to him with a smile as he sits down at a nearby terminal. "Tough day?" is asked in less of a quiet voice than one adopted for library chatter, head falling back on to hands flat on the table top, her own stress obvious. She chuckles, sitting upright and shaking her noggin "Ugh.. I totally wasn't sleeping.. just worn out from pouring over all this information.. at this point face-desking is the only thing seems to make sense anymore.."

Cyrus nods his head, "I was up in the gallery with Sairon and Brennan. Sairon was searched the other day and I was pointing out the seriousness of it and how you can't just take the change in your life so nonchalantly. He then proceeded to lecture me on how dragons love you and how a dragon would choose to die rather than live without you and how riders choose to…." he pauses, "…you know. I pointed out a relationship based on force is not one of mutual trust and acceptance. I'm betting they've never seen the riders that don't choose to kill themselves." he says more forcefully, "Those people are just left to rot. It's unfair. No one does a thing to help them." He snaps out of his lecture long enough to look over at what she is doing and can't really make heads or tails of it, "What are you working on?" he asks.

Therynn knows what Cyrus speaks of with deep and genuine empathy, nodding as he explains away some of the grumbling. Lips will part softy, giving him the space to speak and get it out before taking a moment to comment and agree. "You 'ave a point there Cy.. it is life changing." A big of glumness shadows the inflection like a pending rainstorm "Take it from me, I know exactly what you mean.." The next part is sorted out with conceptual considerations. "Well, there is some truth about the loyalty of bonds between life mates." A nod during his pause and she thinks of a tactful way to present the next postulation. "Why y'say the relationship is based on force? That between rider and dragon or?" She's clearly missing some pieces about the origin of this rant. "I think I lost ya somewhere back there Cyrus.." The killing themselves and rotting and helping bit is definitely over her head. Looking down at the mess of papers he inquires about, she pushes a few in to a pile and sighs "Oh, y'know. Research.. kinda like what you were doing.. 'cept mine is about Impression after being left standing and attempting to figure out why is is dragons see things in people who end up getting knotted as candidates only to wallow in disappointment if they do not indeed find their life mate out there. Supposedly, if you've ever been asked t'stand, it means there's a life mate out there somewhere, in some egg just waiting for that person.. even if they don't meet first couple times around.. why even Zi'on was supposedly left standing before Suldith found him."

Cyrus gives his head a little shake, not sure if he is willing to continue to explain what is going on in his head, "I mean that when one dies the other kills themselves in a high majority of the cases…they all say they have no choice. To me thats force….if you love someone you would want them to continue on…you'd will it." It's probably not particularly surprising that a mindhealer finds suicide to be offensive, "I'm probably not making much sense anyway. It's late and I'm not thinking straight anymore." he says finally, "What if you dodged a huge arrow there? I mean you don't need a dragon to be happy. You have a wonderful life ahead of you. A rewarding career and I'm sure someday a wonderful family. Why complicate it unnecessarily?"

Therynn can hardly comprehend the magnitude of what it all means noting "I've never felt that deep of a connection to another being, so I wouldn't know how much choice is involved." Index taps to chin with speculation "I suppose you have a point on one hand.. but imagine something being so ingrained in your psyche that life without it hardly seems worth living.." She'd make some analogy about Kera, but it doesn't seem like the time nor the place for such a comparison. "I mean, maybe it is a choice and they choose that life on Pern without their life mate is hardly a life at all.." She really has little backing for these assumptions, but seems to make sense in some ways. "Take a deep breath.." is offered with reassurance "M'here to listen and talk, don't mind your venting at all.." Though his next train of thought derails the timorous gal a good deal. "I thought it was going t'be like that.. honestly.." recalling that day all too vividly ".. In the end, I'd never felt a void like that before. Considering I'd ultimately found a way to want for nothing, living a life free of desire or possessions.. it wasn't until seeing my fellow candidates and their dragons that I realized the whole thing is bigger than me.. or you.. or anyone really. S'unexplainable.. but it is a bond beyond all bonds, a connection unmatched, the answer to any mental churning you can muster.. the penultimate.. and t'be honest.. I'd never known what it was like to truly feel like I was left out, and missed out… until that experience. A career, family.. all that can be had as a rider too, but without that bond, seems as though there's something missing in the big picture.." None of this may ring true for the mind healer, but it means something for Rynn who tries to hide her dejection and longing.

Cyrus just shakes his head as she speaks, "It just seems wrong. I'm sorry. I can't accept that there isn't a better way. That the riders and the dragons don't deserve more." Therynn is getting to witness a rare moment of Cyrus having pity for a dragon, "Its something that I really believe in with all my heart. Suicide is an obscenity. I'm not denying it would be hard to live without someone you loved. But…I just can't help but think its unfair. And what is realy unfair is the way that those who don't kill themselves are treated. Some day I'm going to do something about it, though I suspect it will make me even more unpopular than I already am. This is a personal cause for me. For more than one reason." he explains. He is more calm now than he was when he came in but still. As she explains her feelings he does feel bad for her, "I'm really sorry Therynn. Truly. It's difficult to be left out." Something he knows really well, "…and feeling like you weren't good enough or strong enough or…whatever." He might disagree with her goal, but he can certainly empathize with her feelings, "I wish I had something to tell you to make you feel better but I'm afraid I don't."

Therynn shrugs and figures there's no reasoning with a mind healer. "Well you're entitled to your opinion Cy.. even if it strays from the norm.. same for your whole flight and loyal love ideals. It's ok to think outside of the box, but that is their decision t'make.. not yours, even if you only care to help." There's some conviction and logic there, though suicide being an obscenity is an understandable stance as well. "Life is unfair, and especially the death portion of it. Guess that's what make it exciting eh?" A little bit of a smile crosses her lips, as she blinks those brown peepers and waits to see his response. "I getcha though, they definitely shouldn't be treated unkindly if they choose life.. everyone's different." Can't forget that! "Dunno how'd ya change it, that freedom to choose, but I'll wish you luck." Her thoughts settle and voice lower as an "Oh.." escapes "..Sorry t'hear it's personal like that.." his empathy for her only brings the whole atmosphere down even more "S'ok.." it's really not "I read that it all happens for good reason and not be upset or sad, but happy that the one true bond was made for those in my Candidate circle and maintain hope that one day soon my dragon will find me too.. when the time is right." There's a nod, his speaking on her feelings being dead on. "S'ok.. really. Wasn't even something I wanted t'begin with." She whispers "Don't tell, but I honestly didn't care for dragons or their riders much 'fore being out there on the sands and seeing the magic with m'own two eyes."

Therynn shrugs and figures there's no reasoning with a mind healer. "Well you're entitled to your opinion Cy.. even if it strays from the norm.. same for your whole flight and loyal love ideals. It's ok to think outside of the box, but that is their decision t'make.. not yours, even if you only care to help." There's some conviction and logic there, though suicide being an obscenity is an understandable stance as well. "Life is unfair, and especially the death portion of it. Guess that's what make it exciting eh?" A little bit of a smile crosses her lips, as she blinks those brown peepers and waits to see his response. "I getcha though, they definitely shouldn't be treated unkindly if they choose life.. everyone's different." Can't forget that! "Dunno how'd ya change it, that freedom to choose, but I'll wish you luck." Her thoughts settle and voice lower as an "Oh.." escapes "..Sorry t'hear it's personal like that.." his empathy for her only brings the whole atmosphere down even more "S'ok.." it's really not "I read that it all happens for good reason and not be upset or sad, but happy that the one true bond was made for those in my Candidate circle and maintain hope that one day soon my dragon will find me too.. when the time is right." There's a nod, his speaking on her feelings being dead on. "S'ok.. really. Wasn't even something I wanted t'begin with." She whispers "Don't tell, but I honestly didn't care for dragons or their riders much 'fore being out there on the sands and seeing the magic with m'own two eyes."

Cyrus is a bit heartened to hear that someone thinks its ok to think outside of the box, and he shows it with a smile, but it doesn't make it any easier really, "I'm selfish. I know I am. As much as I want it for everyone I just /need/ it to work for me. I'm a hypocrite really…" At least he feels that way at times, "I'm just trying to do the right thing." He sighs and nods at her life is unfair comment, "It most certainly is…" He gives a little shake of his head, "There are some days when I feel like giving up. Like I'm destined to fail, and there are times when I secretly wish I'd never learned what I've learned about…well love." As for her understanding of the process…she seems to have an intellectual understanding, "I know…it doesn't make it any easier though. And your secret is completely safe with me." he'd never out anyone else. Not knowing how they would be looked upon.

Therynn nods, watching as he confesses something about the depths of his soul. 'We all are in our own rights Cy.. that's what makes Pern keep on turning in some ways. There wouldn't be a heaven full of stars if we were all meant to wish on the same one y'know?" What sweet nonsense she speaks of, extrapolating concepts way beyond what her base level cognition. "You can only do what is right for you, and try to help those who seek it. Otherwise it's like running around in circles trying t'change things for people who don't wanna change." A bit of a scoff and lean back in chair, she taps yellow pencil on desk "I think we all feel like that some days.. well most of us at least.." There are definitely some that seem to live above the mundane stresses that plague realists like Cyrus and Rynn. "There's many sayings I'm sure you know of that philosophize about life and life. It's all part the journey.. without let downs success wouldn't be so sweet when attained right?" A wink is shared with the healer when he agrees to keep her secret. "I've learned a lot since then, and yes, maybe some of it would be easier not knowing.. but a life in the shadows, unaware of the vastness of living and the unbearable lightness of being.. well that doesn't seem like a good alternative knowing what I know now.." She'll slowly start to compile her papers and gather her things. "Speaking of life in the shadows, I've got sweeps at dusk. Sorry to cut this conversation short, but I must meet with Quorel so we can walk the perimeter in hopes of finding more clues about those tyrannical renegades.." A tilt of the head and she's headed for the door.

Cyrus nods his head slowly at that thought. He really only has one wish, and it is persistant and deep. And not knowing is what makes it so terribly difficult at times. She is right about him being a realist. He isn't the idealist that everyone thinks he is, but eh…sometimes it looks like the same thing, "It's fine. Go get your rest. I'm going to stay here and work for a little while longer." He watches as she begins to head for the door, "Good night." he says. He has made another friend it seems. Which is a wonderful thing really. If Therynn ever needs anything he'll be there. The joy and the pressure of being a friend of Cyrus.

Therynn waves, turning head back for just a moment to say "Goodnight Cyrus.. don't worry yourself t'suicide over it, K?" This is meant as a joke, though bleak it is true that humor was never Rynn's strong suit.


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