Fort Weyr - Ezra's Room

Is there anything that smells *quite* like a teenage boy's room? The room that Ezra was given after his rather abrupt arrival at Fort Weyr is one that does not suit his station, but speaks to the sympathy his story brought up in people. One of the larger residential rooms, it actually consists of both a living room and a private bedroom. The rooms are dirty, being that Ezra has not allowed a drudge in here in turns, and covered in *things*. This boy is a bit of a hoarder, there is no denying that. But beneath all the stuff, there are some pieces of furniture. The living room has a small table and two old chairs, as well as a lumpy couch that is covered in clothes and other various things. It also has a fireplace, the smoke drawn up through a tunnel in the rock.
The bedroom has a large bed with rumpled, messy sheets and lots and lots of blankets and pillows, as well as piles of more stuff that cover the dresser and wardrobe. There are tools, bits of wood, fabric, technology parts, old bits of cloth, and a hundred other random things. There is also food stashed everywhere. Much of it has gone bad, but until Ezra's firelizards can sneak it out, it remains to rot. Another thing the rooms have in abundance are glowbaskets, which are placed on every surface and kept filled and bright constantly. He might be just a little afraid of the dark.

Ezra is in his room, cleaning. And it's a remarkable change from the way his room usually looks. Sure, it still smells odd and there's still a ton of stuff, but he's made a visible dent in it. You can sit on the couch, even, and the table only has a few things on it, and one of the chairs is usable. There are pathways to walk and the stuff that is still in here has been piled neatly, with a wobbling stack near the door that seems to be destined to be taken away, out of the rooms. The door is partly ajar as the boy works, letting Zoi wander the passages and greet people she knows well by now.

From the offices to the living caverns the Weyrsecond goes, his brisk strides down the corridor purposeful, the sound of boot soles on stone echoing hollowly on the tunnel walls as his long legs carry him on his errand. He nods with a pleasant smile to people he passes but doesn't linger. Seeing Zoi out there wandering gives him pause and he almost turns her way, but a quick scan finds no Ezra around - he might be in lessons, but D'ani will check his room since he's almost here. The bronzerider halts outside the partially-open door - this is a good sign that his search is not in vain and raps upon the frame with the tap-tap of knuckles upon wood. "Ezra?"

Ezra steps swiftly out of the bedroom, holding a handful of clothes in each hand. Cleaning, sorting, folding…it's hard to tell. Brows lift in surprise and then he looks briefly guilty before he gets a handle on it. "Hey, D'ani. Uh, c'mon in," he says. The 'I've been expecting you' is implied, as Ezra motions to the couch. The cleeeean couch. It stands, a sparkling reminder of what pleasure tidiness can be.

D'ani doesn't miss that flash of guilt, but his grin for Ezra is the same as it always is: ready and wide. "I'm glad I found you here," he says as he steps inside and then pauses to look around. The boy has been busy! "Looking good, Ezra!" he says approvingly even though there is much to be done yet. He's unhurried as he wanders further in. Dressed for the office in a crisply-pressed shirt - this one rust-colored, his jeans may be casual but hey - his boots are polished! The Weyrsecond reaches the couch and sits, then turns his head to his best friend while casually reaching out his hand to offer him a small note, folded closed in half. Then he leans back on the couch and crosses one ankle over a knee, keeping his brown eyes on the teenager. That's all. At least he doesn't look all tense and ready to explode. He's relaxed.

Ezra smiles, and there's definite pride in his expression as he looks around. "Thanks," he says, modest but not hiding his pride that well. "It's taking…a while." Setting the clothes down on the table, he then picks them up a second later and puts each piece where it belongs. One on the 'to go' pile, and the other two are folded and put in a drawer. "How're you? How's your nose?" he asks, studying his friend before he's being offered a note. Is it The Note? Grimacing slightly, he takes a deep breath and squares his shoulders as he takes the note and opens it to read.

It is indeed The Note. "It's mending," D’ani says readily. His nose looks much better already. The plaster dressing is off, it's as straight as it ever was and the tiny cut on the bridge is but a thin scab of half-healed flesh. The purple bruise is faded to green-yellow. Not pretty but certainly not as bad as it was. "Your room looks bigger. I like it." He quiets then to let him peek at the note, waiting for his response.

Ezra looks at the note and just nods, folding it and offering it back before he glances around. "Yeah. It's…I've got really big rooms," he says, a bit embarrassed. He knows he was given special treatment, and that both flatters and irks him. Then he sighs. "I wasn't threatening her," he says, seeking D'ani's eyes. "And I wasn't trying to break you two up or nothin'. I just…couldn't…do nothing after she broke your nose." And he frowns, fidgets, and turns towards another stack of stuff. But he stops himself from starting to restlessly clean, thinking it's more grown up of him to stay in one spot and talk it out. So he'll try that.

"They'll be great for when you start having all your friends over," says D'ani like it's a given that he will be doing that and his currently limited number of friends will expand naturally. He accepts the note back, shoves it in his pocket, but his gaze never wavers from his friend's. "I didn't take it that way," he says easily and almost in the same breath chuckles, "And I'm not worried about you doing that either, Ezra." He waits then says, "I want you to know that I understand; I do. She told me you aren't too thrilled about us, but I don't expect you to like her or anything." He shrugs about that. Ezra had to do/say something, "I get that. And I think I know why you'd write a note rather than speak to her directly. Notes, however, have a way of taking on meanings we don't intend. I guess you found that out though."

Ezra blinks, looking around with new consideration. When he has all his friends over? Hmm. That's something he hasn't considered. Relieved when D'ani says he didn't take it that way, Ezra walks over to pull out a chair and sit with a low sigh. "She's…" No, he'd better not start saying negative things about the Weyrwoman. "I find it very hard to talk to her," he murmurs. "And I didn't think talking to her would go well. So I wrote the note. And talking to her /didn't/ go well, but…it was because of the note, so…I don't know if talking to her would've gone better." He shifts and winces. "I don't know why she started crying. I didn't mean to… She said that when she looks at me she is haunted by…by Stonehaven and her failures or something. That…that wasn't very easy to hear. I didn't…I don't want to make her feel bad just by…existing." The teen is baffled by that concept, and a bit hurt by it too. How can you feel good about yourself when there mere sight of you sends someone else into a guilt spiral?

For some people it is hard to talk to the Weyrwoman. D'ani gets this too. He nods slowly, understanding in his brown eyes, "I guess you'll never know now," he says of a talk without the note having done its damage. He just shakes his head about all the emotion that resulted from that. "Of course you didn't mean to upset her. She's as vulnerable as any of us though, Ezra. Like any of us, she has her own past that colors her response to the present." It's something for him to consider when approaching the Weyrwoman, maybe. At least he didn't say to imagine her in her underwear because, hello, teenage boy here! He mmms in his throat about Dtirae being haunted by Ezra. "Yeah, I'm sure you don't! However, that's something she needs to work out - it's not your fault. Not at all."

Ezra blinks a bit and then frowns slightly. "But…" he begins, and then shakes his head and sighs. "You're right. We've all got…stuff to deal with. But…she's the /Weyrwoman/. I'm just a kid. She shouldn't be, like…I don't know. I didn't think it'd make her upset. I really didn't. I just couldn't do nothing." Rubbing a hand over his face, he shrugs. "I hope she works it out. I don't like knowing I cause someone hurt just be existing…"

"Yeah, but if you think about it, Weyrwomen are not chosen for maturity and ability to lead." Ouch! Poor Dtirae, but it's the truth. "It's all chance." He shrugs, his own opinion on that clear since he's got the holder perspective ingrained. There's also resignation in his tone; tradition rules the Weyr and he accepts that. Without quite criticizing the woman in question, he says, "She's got growing yet to do, but I think she'll be able to do it now. I think… I think…" He's troubled, leans forward and reaches a hand to touch Ezra's arm earnestly, "She probably wasn't aware of feeling guilty until this all came to a head and she spoke about it with you. So the note actually helped more than it harmed, if you look at it that way. Brought things to the surface, to the light of day so she could deal with it."

Ezra reaches out automatically to cover D'ani's hand, and he nods. "I never understood that," he murmurs. "Elara'd be better…until Dtirae was ready…" Frowning when his friend looks so troubled, he meets his gaze and blinks. "What?"

"I don't understand it either," D'ani admits honestly of the way leaders are chosen for the Weyrs. "But that's how it's done. It generally seems to work out even though there are rough patches sometimes." He doesn't really know Elara, has no opinion there, so just nods that he's understanding the point made. The what-question brings his eyes back to Ezra and his brows knit. "Just… that I want for you both to be alright. Not necessarily with each other but in your own selves. I told Dtirae that guilt is not helpful. Love is. When we love, we forget ourselves, our own needs, look outside ourselves and take the risks necessary to brave… things that would otherwise hold us back. It's a choice that will free a person. I want that for you both." He's… doing it again. Waxing philosophical, only without the fellis-rambling this time.

Ezra blinks a little bit, head tilting. "I…am alright. I…at least I thought I was." Is he not? Now he looks a little worried. "I'm getting better. I'm cleaning, and…and I'm sleeping better… Little steps. Going to lessons and trying to make new friends and all that stuff. I don't have guilt. I have…well. You know." Anger issues, abandonment issues, trust issues. "Are /you/ alright?"

"You are," D'ani assures Ezra, his lopsided smile returning as he squeezes Ezra's arm, before leaning back in the couch once more. Oh, he knows the few issues his friend has left, but hopefully that'll ease the worried look the teen has grown. The bronzerider nods towards the room at large, acknowledging the steps he sees on-going. "You're at the place where you're working to fight the things that once controlled you. Someday, you'll be ready to lead Stonehaven and work with Dtirae too, I know it." Work with, hopefully trust even if he cannot like her. "I'm fine," he assures Ezra. "My ducking reflexes are a mite more sharp, though," he laughs.

Ezra looks relieved, and quietly proud that his friend is noticing the changes he's been working on. "I am," he says, gazing around the room. "I got tired of…of not feeling like I was in control of myself, you know?" he asks, leaning back and propping one ankle on his other knee. Then he blushes a bit, glancing down and shrugging. "Don't know if I'll have Stonehaven or not. Raya still hasn't decided…but yeah. Maybe…someday. As equals. Or…closer to equals." He just needs to rise up a few dozen ranks. Then he laughs, short but still genuine, and then he sighs. "Scared me," he says quietly, admitting that even though it's hard to. "Seeing you hurt."

D'ani just smiles about Rayathess having not decided yet. "I know," he says easily. "But one way or another, I'm sure you'll be involved." He laughs with Ezra, his grin fading as he admits, "Yeah, I felt the same way when I thought one of the holdless up at the Pines would recognize you and Rayathess and harm you." They've since spoken about his panicked anger. So nice to know they share a close enough friendship that they have similar reactions to potential injury in the other? What's that called anyway? Mutual something-or-other. The mindhealers probably have a name for it.

Ezra shifts a bit, grimacing and noding. "Yeah, that was stupid," he admits. Mutual I-don't-want-to-see-you-hurt-because-I've-lost-almost-everyone-close-to-me…itis. "Let's try not to do stupid stuff, alright?" he asks, grin a bit crooked as he looks at his best friend. "Yeah, I'm sure I'll be involved somehow, one way or t'other."

That's it! Definitely! "We can try?" D'ani says returning that crooked grin of Ezra's with a smirk. They should steer clear of the mindhealers too.

'The World of Pern(tm)' and 'The Dragonriders of Pern(r)' are copyright to Anne McCaffrey (c) l967, 2000. This is a recorded online session, by permission of the author but generated on PernWorld MUSH for the benefit of people unable to attend.