Fort Weyr - Weyrleader's Offices

Aged by time, this office has lived through the ages of Fort just as its counterparts have. But unlike the Weyrsecond and Junior Weyrwomen offices, this cavern is spacious and formed in a rough semicircle of three conjoined caves that were carved and modified Turns ago. The middle portion acts as a waiting room of sorts, holding only a few modest chairs and a simple tapestry to otherwise brighten up the plain stone walls. There are no windows here and the only light comes from well placed glow baskets.

To the right, the smaller of the two adjoining caverns has been set aside for the Weyrwoman, a large desk situated in the middle and a bookshelf pressed against the wall. A small hearth allows for some warmth in the colder months and another cabinet rests across the room to hold various supplies, as well as several books, reports and records. More tapestries have been hung there, lending some color to room.

On the left, the larger cavern belongs to the Weyrleader's office and the walls here are littered with a vast array of maps, as well as a tapestry hung behind where he would sit. The desk is large and the wood aged, looking old and a bit worn, but well tended too. Shelves and a bookshelf line one wall, crammed with rolled hides, other maps, books, reports and records and all arranged in an organized chaos. A small hearth has been built in here as well and various well placed glow baskets are hung to offer just the right amount of light in this windowless office.

Both offices have stout wooden doors that have been carefully worked into the stone. They can be closed and locked if privacy is needed but are often left open.

The Weyrwoman's door has been left open, allowing any who wish to speak with her to enter. It is the afternoon, when most have gone for lunch but not Dtirae. The Weyrwoman is settled at her desk, quietly going over paperwork without a glance upward or away from the paper. Occasionally, there is movement where she makes a note or moves one paper aside in order to replace it with another. This movement is repeated, constantly, without fail and becomes the only sound that breaks the silence.

Ezra isn't here because he wishes to speak with her. He's here because he finally went to a Harper lesson and was so fidgety that the Harper gave him an errand to run to try and calm him down. So he pokes his head in and knocks, a closed off expression on his face. "Ma'am."

Dtirae lifts her gaze away from the paperwork, but, she does not halt her movements of switching from one paper to the next. She pins the boy with a simple look before settling down her pen and folding her hands neatly on her desk. "How can I help you, Ezra?" Pointedly, her tone holds no emotion and her expression is entirely blank. She does not invite him in, nor does she offer him a chair. "Have you come to make more threats?"

Ezra lifts the folder he's carrying, taking one step into the room. That's the answer to her first question. The answer to her second is a shake of his head, brief as he straightens a bit and lifts his chin. "That was…wasn't a threat, Weyrwoman. It was…a reminder." Still, coming from a kid such as Ezra, it might've been perceived as a threat. But then his eyes narrow and he can't quite keep up the tough guy charade. "You /hit/ him," he says, some of his shock showing through despite his efforts to control it. Shock and fear.

The folder is given a look before she nods in an indication of where to set the folder on the desk. Then, as he straightens, Dtirae settles her gaze on him again. She says nothing, allowing him to speak further if there's anything more to say. When he speaks again, that shock showing through, she allows silence to remain in the air for a moment longer before she answers his statement with a nod. "Yes. And I apologized. And I apologized again, and I felt an extreme amount of guilt. Not just because I hit the person I hold dearest to me, but because the situation even occurred in the first place. D'ani took actions that were not recommended," she pauses, grey eyes still settled firmly on the boy. "He took an angry queen *Between* against her will, along with her rider. Both of which who happened to be fighting against one another in a struggle that could have cost both of their lives, then putting his life and his dragon's life at risk. So while I deeply regret my actions, they were not of my own accord. They were the result of both Zuvaleyuth's emotions and my own, responding to what she saw as a threat to her Weyr." Fingers gently tap the wood of her desk and she turns her gaze away. "That doesn't change the fact that I injured him, and I certainly did not intend to. So, Ezra, what would you have me do? Break up with him so I cannot harm him again? Allow you to take your revenge? What is it that you are asking of me?"

Ezra shakes his head as she goes on about the dragons, not believing a word of it. "My father always said the rider was the master of the dragon," he says firmly. "It was stupid and he shouldn't have done it but you shouldn't have let it happen either." Which she's said, but still. He's angry. And scared. "They were of your own accord," he says, quiet and firm. As for what he wants her to do…he just shakes his head a bit, running fingers through his hair and then tugging on his jacket, which is too small for him again. He struggles, that much is clear, before he speaks again. "Laris is gone," he finally says quietly, to the floor before he lifts piercing pale eyes to the weyrwoman. Unsettling, perhaps. "I am done with revenge. But I also am done with losing the people I love. So. I can't…I can't tell you what to do." It's laughable to contemplate, "but I won't…I won't stand by and let you hurt my best friend. So." Where does that leave them?

"Yes. But Ezra, tell me this: What if your dragon was screaming for the death of another? What would you do? What if you're afraid? What if you're scared? What if you can barely control all that rage?" Dtirae asks simply, clearly: she has no regard if she scares him or not. "Again, I regret it and regret the fact that I could not draw in her emotions enough to keep my fist to myself." She'll neglect to mention the fact that Th'ero has also met with her fist on not-so-friendly terms. She watches him, her gaze not drawing away from him at all. "I have no intention of hurting him, Ezra. I injured him, but he's not been /hurt/. I've not damaged him in a way that cannot be recovered from. But, you have a decision to make if you believe that I'm going to continue to hurt him. What would you /suggest/ I do, then? What would you prefer?"

Ezra blinks at her, uncomprehending at the concept of the Senior being afraid of her own dragon. That just does not make any sense to the boy. Then he bristles a bit. "Injury /is/ hurt. They're the same thing," he says a little too fast, in a rush to get his words out. "You touched him in anger. I saw…I saw…" And he shakes his head firmly, raking his fingers through his hair and scrubbing at his face. His hand then drops to where Zoi's head usually is, but his canine companion isn't there at the moment, and his hand just clenches into a fist before it gets shoved into his pocket. "Prefer?" he asks, latching onto that word and struggling with it. "That you not be with him." There's anger there, and fear, and - yes - jealousy. "But I can't say that. Can't /wish/ that. It's…I'm not a child." Yes he is. But struggling /so/ hard to be a man. "It's not my life." But she asked.

"No, Ezra. It isn't. Injury is physical pain, injury is minor, injury fades. Hurt is when your heart is broken, when you are so damaged mentally that you cannot recover. When you are scarred and everything you are is based upon those feelings of hurt." But, she stops there and shrugs once. "Never mind." She won't touch on that again, instead, she leans back into her seat. "Then, I will take that into consideration. But, I don't think men send notes like that to their friend's girlfriend, especially when they do not and cannot fully grasp the full situation."

Ezra blinks and bristles. "I'm not so damaged that I cannot recover," he snaps, insulted. "Not everything is based on hurt anymore. I'm getting /better/. Thanks to /D'ani/." He visibly flinches when she names herself D'ani's girlfriend, shaking his head. "They stand up for their friends. They don't sit around when their friend gets his nose broken. Cannot grasp…" He shakes his head again, frustrated and angry. "What is there to grasp? You broke his nose! And I'm just…just supposed…I will NOT stand for someone I love getting hurt EVER again!"

"Who said /you/ were damaged, Ezra? I certainly didn't say anything about you." Dtirae, again, states this with no rise in volume. "It was an accident, Ezra. Unintentional, yet, it should not have happened. I wouldn't hurt the person I love just to /laugh/ about it. If D'ani was so mad about me breaking his nose, then surely, he would have dumped me. Would he not? Or, do you think him incapable of standing up for himself that you must go and champion for him when he gets hurt due to a situation that you do not understand? Do you think he is incapable of telling when someone means to cause him constant and continual harm? Do you think a Weyrwoman would abuse her riders? Abuse the people that she relies on to help protect the Weyr? Or do you just think me some heartless bitch because I wear this knot? Do you think I do not have feelings? That I don't care? That I don't love? And that I don't grieve? That I would hurt those I care about because I wear a knot that gives me lead? Because, I never /wanted/ this knot. But, now that I do have it: I will use it to protect my Weyr, my Holds, my responsibilities. I grieve over Stonehaven constantly, I grieve because we could not be there before something happened. Your face haunts me every night, Ezra. The sight that we encountered there haunts my dreams and I cannot sleep without the constant reminders of how I failed and every failure I've faced continues to haunt me. The newest one I have is the sight of his broken nose." And with that, the Weyrwoman stands, continuing to stare the boy down. "If you think he is so incapable of protecting himself, and that I am only able to hurt him: then I will break up with him, and I will not speak to him again. But, he will have his say in this matter and he can make the final say because he is capable of making his own decisions."

Ezra shakes his head as she speaks, shaking it the whole time, back and forth, slowly as he watches her. "You don't get it," he finally says, low and soft and pained. "You just…you don't get it. I'm…you…no," he says, taking a slow step back. "I never said break up with him. I didn't threaten, I didn't say /anything/ but to remind you of the promise you made to /me/. To /me/. You broke that promise. I'm not here to break you two up. I came to deliver a /folder/. The note was just a reminder. It's /all/ I can do. I'm just…I'm nothing and you're the Weyrwoman and he's the Weyrsecond and I'm just this stupid broken little kid. So all I can do is send a note. Can't even hand it to you, I'm too chicken for that. You broke a promise when you said you wouldn't hurt him. You're going to do what you want and he's going to do what he wants and there's nothing I can do about it so whatever. Do what you want. I'm not trying to break you up." He's rambling now. "But I'm hurt. /I/ am hurt that you hurt the one person that's been there for me. The ONLY one. Because you were there at Stonehaven but where were you after? Huh? Nowhere. D'ani was. And he's very special to me so yes I'm going to get hurt when he's hurt. Yes I'm going to want to see him happy. He's had too much bad stuff in his life. I'm just a stupid kid but I'm going to try my best to help him and be a /good/ friend to him. And if that means grinning when he tells me he likes you and if that means carrying his notes to you to make you blush then I will. And if that means going to the woman who /broke/ his /nose/ and going 'you broke a promise,' then I'll do that too. This isn't about /you/. I don't trust you. You're the weyrwoman of the weyr that helped me but Th'ero brought me here, Elara took care of me, and D'ani befriended me. Where were you? Nowhere. I don't trust you so don't lecture me and don't hurt my friend."

"I'm sorry I broke that promise. I promised because I didn't think I would. I try never to make promises I can't keep, but I didn't." Dtirae frowns slightly, a beak in the mask finally. The crack is what crumbles the rest, and she's falling back down into her seat. "I was the one who brought you from Stonehaven, to Elara." The tears are starting then, "I wanted so badly to help you, to be there for you but I was so afraid. Because that look you had is one I knew too well, but I couldn't relate that to what I went through because you had it so much worse." She's avoiding him now, hiding her tears behind her hand but it's fairly obvious. "I'm sorry. Just… Leave…"

Great. He's made his friend's girlfriend cry. Ezra might not have the BFF Handbook completely figured out, but he's pretty sure this is bad. He shifts his weight, opening his mouth and closing it again. "I needed someone strong," he finally says, voice thick. "That was D'ani." That the bronzerider means everything to the teen is obvious. "Stonehaven is over. Laris is gone. It's time to move on, Weyrwoman," he says heavily. Suggesting she let go of her guilt? Maybe. Or maybe he's reminding himself so her emotions don't drag him back down into those dark tunnels. Setting the folder down, the boy leaves, closing the door behind him to give her some privacy.

'The World of Pern(tm)' and 'The Dragonriders of Pern(r)' are copyright to Anne McCaffrey (c) l967, 2000. This is a recorded online session, by permission of the author but generated on PernWorld MUSH for the benefit of people unable to attend.